


Housemate

by Unnierae



Category: NCT (Band), Nctzen
Genre: M/M, Nct fanfic, Nct fics, Yuwin fanfic, johnten, tenny, yuwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:12:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unnierae/pseuds/Unnierae
Summary: Yuta puts an ad for a housemate. Winwin falls in love and it's all Ten's fault.





	1. Chapter 1

It must have rained heavy last night, Yuta thought as he looked outside from the window of his bedroom. Streets were still wet with small pools of water here and there. The sun was still hidden behind dark clouds and Yuta could bet anything that it will rain again before the day came to an end. He sighed and closed the window before walking out of his room and going to the kitchen downstairs. He didn't like rainy days because everything was wet and damp but mainly because he felt nostalgic. And he had every right to be. He was the only living person in this two story house and he never went out and no one ever came to visit him. So nostalgia was still better than going mad and pulling his hair out. He had finished college  and had become a writer just like he wanted to if not a very famous one as he had hoped to. But his work had enough recognition for him to have a good standard of living, so it was alright. You can't get everything you want to get. But the not so alright aspect of his work was that he was obsessed with his novels. He spent all the time in his house and never went out. The rare occasions when he did he felt so out of place and awkward that he vouched to never go out again. The ration and other necessaries were delivered to him by the companies or he would ask taeyong to help him out with that. And taeyong would do just that but of course, not without scolding him harsh enough and making yuta feel guilty for even his own existence. But that lasted only until the next time he needed to ask for something again. Yuta was glad that he had taeyong with him in a foreign country so different from his homeland. New York was a beautiful place to live in but just as chaotic and crowdy. When Yuta had first moved here with his mother he felt lost and scared whenever he went to school or shopping or elsewhere. He didn't speak English at that time. His mother taught him a little, just enough to introduce himself when he went to school. It was hard to make friends in the school because of the language barrier. Often, he returned from school feeling depressed and wanting nothing more than to go back to Japan with his mother and never come back again. But he bore with it for his mother's sake because she told him it will get better. His father had not come with them, he didn't want to leave his work behind. His father made enough money for the three of them to have a good standard of living but his mother had higher dreams and a want for more and more, not for herself but for her only son. She had brought yuta to new York and worked hard for him to eat good food and wear good clothes. But as years had gone by she began to look tired and sad and Yuta understood it. She missed her husband, she needed to go back. And just as he finished his college he told her that it was okay for her to go back. He would be alright on his own. At first she had argued that she didn't want to leave him behind but eventually gave up when Yuta reminded her of the fact that he was a 23 years old man not a 3 years old kid anymore.

It had been almost a year since she had left and Yuta had managed to successfully mess up his social life to the point where he couldn't bring himself to talk to a person confidently. And during this short span of time he had missed his mother terribly.

Just as the thought of his mother came into his mind, Yuta automatically went upstairs crossing the living room and taking the cup of coffee with him. He went to the room where his mother used to stay before she left. Her room was as empty as it could be. Furniture was covered with a thick layer of dust. He walked across the room and memories of his mother walking around in the room talking, laughing or just silently sitting in front of her dressing table or lying down in the bed after a long day flashed in his mind. There was always that familiar fragrance of her reminding him of her presence. It made him feel like he belonged, even in a foreign country as crowded and loud as new York.

Remembering that, yuta sniffed the air long and deep, only to cough it out voilently a second later. He grimaced. The room now smelled only of dirt and staleness because it had never really been cleaned after his mother left. The thought irked a strange sense of emptiness  and he could no longer stay in the room. He rushed to get out of the room. The sudden realization of how utterly and completely alone he was right at the moment overwhelmed him to the point that yuta felt breathless with it.

 

***

 

"Housemate!"

Taeyong exclaimed as yuta told him the next morning how empty his house was without his mother and how he was slowly going mad with it.

"What?" Yuta blinked in confusion, not understanding what taeyong meant.

Taeyong rolled his eyes.

"I'm saying share your house with someone. Get a housemate." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yuta stared at him in disbelief. 

"Are you implying," he started slowly, "that I get a complete stanger to live with me, in my house where I live completely alone?"

"Yes. And no, basically you won't be completely alone once you have another person living with you in your house."

"I know that! But apart from that complete stranger I will be very much alone in my house! So thank you but no I won't risk my life for it." Yuta snapped.

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something but then snapped it shut. He stared at yuta with narrow and hard eyes. And Yuta knew what was coming, he braced himself for it. He hated this part of their conversations.

"You're being paranoid for nothing and you know it." Taeyong said softly, his voice low yet strong.

"I have my reasons." Yuta said defensively.

"Yes. Stupid reasons." Taeyong muttered earning him a glare from yuta.

" Look, you need to go out,  interact with people and have a social life. If you're not going to do that then might as well have a social life at home and get a housemate or something. "

Taeyong had begun to sound rather annoyed and Yuta felt a bit guilty if not much.

"Fine, then why don't you move in with me?"

"What? " Taeyong stared at Yuta like he'd gone mad, " I have a very perfect social life both inside and outside my house so thank you very much!"

With that he stood up and Yuta stared at him with an expression akin to betrayal. Taeyong ignored him.

"Now if you'll excuse me, my inside-the-house social life is waiting for me." He smirked.

Yuta scoffed.

"You make me nauseous."

"Good thing you love being nauseous."

Taeyong winked at him as he put on his shoes.

Yuta scoffed again for the lack of any response and let himself fall facefirst on the couch, as gracelessly as he could manage without hurting his nose in the process.

Before the door slammed shut behind taeyong, he heard his voice.

"Consider what I've told you. Really you'd be thankful for it later."

As if Yuta ever would.

 

***

 

As it turned out, however; yuta had, not thankful of course, but considered the advice.

Two to three days later, he had put an advertisement for a housemate on the internet.

Currently; almost only half an hour after putting the said advertisement; he was sitting on a stool around the kitchen counter, sipping on his afternoon coffee and scribbling away rather vigorously on a piece of paper.

He had recently finished and published a novel which had received a great response and won several awards. Yuta could say to himself that it was the reason why he was so inspired to start another novel immediately after finishing one, but he knew that would be a complete lie. He hardly needed an inspiration to start another novel seeing as it was the only thing he did during his free time and considering he had a rather large amount of free time it was the only thing he did apart from sleeping, eating and shitting or other such necessities of life.

He was so engrossed with the current source of his attention that he almost didn't hear his cell phone ringing faintly at first before getting louder, enough to disturb him and get his attention. Yuta frowned and looked around to find the said source of his disturbance. He spotted it at the couch in the living room and decided to ignore it for a while but what with the lack of sleep and too much caffeine in his system,  the ringing pounded in his ears and he finally gave up. Putting the pen down on the counter, he stomped across the living room and snatched the little brat up to his ear.

"WHAT?!" He barked into the microphone. 

The line went strangely silent for a while.

"Uh.. is it Nakamoto Yuta speaking?" A voice asked hesitantly after a while.

"Yes it is, so what?" Yuta said still feeling rather annoyed at being disturbed.

Only after he'd said it, did he realize the situation at hand. His face did a weird thing and went rather pale. He removed the phone from his ear and stared at it horrified. It wasn't taeyong or one of his parents which was more likeky to happen since only they had his phone number. It was an anonymous number. He hesitantly put the phone back to his ear.

"Hello.. hello!" The other person was saying.

Yuta cleared his throat.

"I'm listening, who is it?"

" oh.. I'm Winwin. I saw your advertisement on the internet."

And slowly it dawned on Yuta. His shoulders relaxed slightly.

"I meet all your requirements. I'm asian, younger than 23 and I'll definitely not meddle with your personal life. I can cook and clean as well." Winwin explained all in one breath. It sounded like he was in a hurry.

"Uh.. that's good so.."

Yuta didn't really know how to handle this. What was he supposed to say or do now?

"So can I come in to like check out the place?"

And Yuta internally slapped himself because of course that was the most obvious thing to do.

"Of course, you can come tomorrow? "

"Actually I wanted to see it tonight and if I like it I'd like to move in tomorrow. If that's okay with you? "

Yuta thought that it was going rather fast but he didn't really mind. Tonight or tomorrow,  he just had to come in to see the place.

"Okay with me." He said.

"Okay. Then I'll come around at like seven."

"Okay."

"Okay." And the line cut off.

Okay. Yuta thought as he stared at the phone in his hand and hoped very much in his heart that his house was the most ugliest place anyone could ever live in.

 

***

 

But later, the evening found yuta staring at a widely grinning Winwin; all two rows of teeth on display and bright eyes looking like half moons, as he moved around the house like he had already moved in. It was so obvious that the boy loved the house.

Earlier when the doorbell had rung Yuta had not expected to see a young boy at his doorstep neither was he ready of the blinding smile that came as he opened the door. Yuta had been dazed by the sight as the red rays of the setting sun reflected off of winwin's blonde hair and eyes shone bright in half crescents against the dim background.

"Hi, I'm  Winwin. I..."

And Yuta had stepped aside without saying anything.

 

***

 

"You didn't tell me he was this hot!"

Ten exclaimed loudly as he marched into the room, slamming the door shut behind him with a loud bang. Winwin almost dropped the box of books he was currently holding. 

He turned to glare at Ten who was now standing akimbo in the middle of the room looking very much like an ahjumma.

"Keep it down, will you! We're  not in our dorm anymore."

"Why didn't you tell your best friend that you were moving in with a guy who is almost your age and is sexy as hell on top of that!"

Ignoring winwin completely, Ten exclaimed still as loudly with a look of betrayal on his face.

Drama Queen. Winwin thought, rolling his eyes.

 

"He's three years older than me. And I didn't move in with him; I moved into his house, on rent."

"Same thing."

"Not."

"Yeah whatever, should've still told me." Ten pouted as he crossed the room to fall backward on the bed with a poof.

"What could you have done if I'd told you?" Winwin asked, placing the books on the shelves.

Ten raised himself on his elbows and winked at Winwin.

"I could've weighed my chances."

"See, that's why I didn't tell you. You're a man eater."

Ten threw a pillow at him from the bed, glaring. But Winwin dodged it successfully.

"Now why don't you get your lazy ass up and help me with my stuff which, as I recall, is the reason you're here in the first place."

Winwin said placing the pillow back on the bed before moving towards the shelves again. Ten pouted but got up from the bed. Afterall he was here to help his friend move in.

Later that day, when Ten had finally left and winwin was left alone in his room, he went to take a bath.

Yuta had disappeared in his bedroom after opening the door for Winwin in the morning. He had looked tired and the lack of sleep was evident in his slightly swollen and red eyes. Winwin wondered if the man hadn't slept all night but he didn't ask or say anything as Yuta had gone upstairs and since Winwin's room was also upstairs, he had followed Yuta along with Ten who had clearly been drooling over Yuta's back. And instead of showing Winwin to his room or welcoming him or other such nice pleasantries, he had gone straight to his bedroom and slammed the door shut. It was probably,  or rather definitely, rude and against the general mannerisms. But Winwin hadn't questioned it since the man looked like he hadn't slept in ages. He, instead, felt guilty to have disturbed him so early in the morning.

Winwin closed the door to his room as quietly as he could so as to not disturb the sleep of the man next door and slowly walked down the stairs. He tried to move as quietly as he could so imagine his surprise when he found the said supposed-to-be-sleeping figure sitting on a stool around the kitchen counter, his back facing Winwin. Winwin frowned because he had clearly thought that Yuta would be sleeping because he looked so tired and he clearly had been wrong. He walked towards the man, making sure to produce some noise so as to announce his presence. Yuta; however, seemed to not have noticed it at all. His fingers were moving fast on the keyboard of his laptop. He was so engrossed in whatever he was doing that he didn't even notice it when Winwin was standing right beside him. Winwin  bowed down slightly to stare at the laptop screen with a frown. It looked like Yuta was writing something; an essay, a story or...

"What are you writing?"

Yuta jumped in surprise and almost fell off the stool, his eyes going wide as he stared up at Winwin in surprise. Winwin noticed that his eyes were still as tired and red rimmed as before.

"When did you get here?" Yuta asked.

"When you were..." Winwin pointed at the laptop, "...busy."

"Oh."

Yuta looked at his laptop and subconsciously moved the lid down, enough for Winwin to not be able to see the screen.

"What were you writing? Is it a story?" Winwin asked again.

"No, it's... nothing special." 

Winwin nodded understanding that Yuta didn't want to share whatever it was he was writing. He moved towards the fridge suddenly remembering why he had come down. 

"Do you have something to eat? I've been starving. "

Yuta didn't say anything but that was okay. Winwin had already spotted some packetes of ramyan in the fridge. He took one for himself before asking yuta if he had eaten anything. When Yuta shook his head he took another packet for him as well. And the silence enveloped them as Winwin cooked the ramyan and Yuta went back to his laptop.

Later when they were sitting across from each other around the counter with bowls full of hot ramyan in front of them, winwin couldn't stay silent anymore. He talked but found, after a while, that Yuta wasn't much of a talker. So, he talked enough for the both of them. He told Yuta about the dorm he used to live in, about his parents who lived back in china. He told him about how lonely he felt when he had first come to new York, how he had befriended Ten and how their friendship had grown over the years. And Yuta had listened everything with wide attentive eyes.

 

 

***

 

Over the days that followed, Yuta had realized two things.

One being that Winwin was an exact opposite of what he was.

Second, that he didn't hate a housemate as much as he thought he would.

In the beginning, Yuta didn't like how the time that he would rather spend on writing his novel was taken up by Winwin talking about basically everything that he could think of. But as the days went by and formed into weeks, they had settled into a routine. 

His days were still almost the same as before Winwin had moved in. Most mornings when he woke up, Winwin would have already left for college. The house would be quiet just like it used to be, the only sound that echoed would be Yuta's footsteps, the sound of shower running when he took a bath, or the sound of his fingers running over the keypad of his laptop. But there were things that reminded him of the addition of another person in the house. Things like an extra pair of shoes by the door, addition of another bottle of shampoo and conditioner in his bathroom, the extra packets of ramyan in the fridge and most prominently, the fragrance of Winwin's perfume in the very air of the house. Even though, Yuta was alone during the most time of his day, he didn't really feel alone. He was always surrounded by all these reminders that he didn't live alone anymore; that when the evening would come, Winwin would be back. 

And when the evening did come, winwin would enter the house looking tired and closing the door loudly behind him.

"I'm home."

Winwin would announce loudly. And Yuta would look back at him from where he would be sitting on the stool by the counter.

"Oh, you're back." He would say like he hadn't noticed the door slamming shut at all, before going back to his laptop.

Winwin would walk across the living room to sit in front of Yuta in a graceless heap, his legs spread long in front of him.

"I'm so tired." He would say.

And that's how it would start. Then, Winwin would whine to him about how tiring college was; how he had to do all the work for the project he was working on because his partner knew nothing and how Ten was always being such an annoying little shit; until Yuta would tell him that he should wash up first and then they could have their dinner.

And just like that, winwin would go to take a shower. When he'd come back they would eat their dinner, mostly leftovers of what yuta had cooked for lunch, as Winwin talked on and on about his day and the stupid jokes his English teacher told them that day. Yuta would listen attentively as words rolled off of Winwin's tongue and he would smile when Winwin laughed; loud and cheerful, throwing his head back and giving a whole full moment to do just that.

A few weeks after winwin had moved in, Taeyong had visited Yuta. Winwin was still at his school when it happened. 

"You look different." Taeyong said, looking like he was seeing Yuta for the first time.

"I've gotten more handsome, I know."

"No, you look more... normal."

That earmed him a glare from Yuta.

"I mean ..." Taeyong rushed to clarify, "you've never... like I've never seen you smile this much before."

And Yuta had been shocked to realize that Taeyong was right. The last he smiled before Winwin came to his life, was probably when he bid goodbye to his mother a year ago.

Long after Taeyong had left, Yuta was still in a shock as he sat on the stool around the kitchen counter. 

Yuta hadn't been aware but so many things had changed.

 

***

 

"So you're saying, you've never wanted to touch that ass of his."

Winwin choked on his water bottle, spluttering water all across the table as he coughed voilently. 

Ten ignored him completely as he stared in space, his eyes dazed and unfocused. 

"It looks delicate as it is but I'm pretty sure it will be strong and firm if I grab it." He made a small grabby motion with his hand.

Winwin glared at him as he recovered from his coughing fit.

"How can you never?"

Ten said sounding as if he was disappointed with Winwin's very existence.

"I'm sorry if not everyone has as filthy of a mind as yours." Winwin hissed.

He would shout, had it not been that they were sitting in a library and the librarian was already shooting daggers their way because of the little coughing fit winwin had.

"That's because not everyone is as blessed as me." Ten pointed out nonchalantly, with a wave of his hand like it was a plain and simple fact he was throwing out there and no one could deny it.

 Winwin rolled his eyes and that was something he'd been doing alot recently. Ever since he had moved into Yuta's house Ten had taken it upon himself to make his life miserable, pointing out every now and then that how hot yuta was and how winwin was losing his only chance of getting a sexy boyfriend. And no matter how many times winwin had told him to shut up, Ten had not listened. The other times when  Ten was not convincing winwin to hit on Yuta, he was pouring out his filthy imagination to winwin's poor innocent ears. And Winwin had to remind Ten that he had a boyfriend.

"I have a project to finish, so shut up and let me focus." Winwin said lowering his head back to his book.

"And what am I supposed to do then?" Ten pouted.

"Dunno, go make out with Johnny or something."

"Tried that, he kicked me out of his dorm." Ten said, sounding rather annoyed. "He's also working on a project of his own."

At that Winwin raised his head from his book.

"Everyone is worrying about graduating and what are you doing?"

"What? I'm also worrying about my graduation."

"By how?"

"By sitting in a library."

"Without any books."

"Exactly."

Winwin stared at Ten in disbelief. Ten leaned forward on the table, putting a hand around his mouth like he was going to tell Winwin a secret.

"Intelligence, my friend, does not need books."

Winwin rolled his eyes so hard they could have fallen out of their sockets, and buried his head in his book.

Ten was unbelievable.

Sometimes Winwin wondered why he had even befriended Ten. The guy made his life more difficult than any of his enemies would, if Winwin had any. But then who needed enemies when you had a friend like Ten.

It wasn't that Winwin disliked Ten, gods knew he was grateful that Ten had chosen to befriend him when no one else had. He was very young when he had moved into new York with his parents. It was hard to survive in a foreign country with a foreign language; he could hardly speak. Ten was born in new York, his parents were from Thailand but Ten had grown up in new York. He was fluent in English, had a large circle of friends but he still sought winwin out on his first day at school. Winwin still remembered how depressing his first day at school was. When his mother had dropped him off at school, she'd told him with a smiling face to make alot of friends on his first day. He had been confident until he entered his first class and introduced himself. The whole class had laughed at his accent. Later at lunch break, he had tried to sit with some other students and talk with them but they had all ignored him. It was disheartening really, until a guy approached him, a bright smile on his face and black hair falling in half crescent eyes. He told him that he was in winwin's English class and that they should be friends and oh by the way my name is Ten. After that day, Winwin was never left alone, Ten stuck with him through everything. And winwin had been grateful. But as the time passed and he came to know more about Ten, he had realized that Ten was an exuberant and playful person but most importantly he flirted with winwin shamelessly all the time. It was embarrassing but soon winwin had realized that Ten basically flirted with everything he set his eyes upon and his mind was dirty enough to get him qualified for a porn star.

Winwin had bore with it all but now it was too much.

Everything Ten talked about Yuta at school still echoed in his ears when he went home and set his eyes upon the said topic of the talk. It was disturbing really.

All winwin wanted was to tell yuta about his day but that became rather difficult when Yuta got up from his stool to heat the leftovers of his lunch for both of them. Yuta walked around the counter to open the fridge. As he bent down and opened the fridge door, winwin stared.

It wasn't his intention though, but with Ten's words still fresh in his ears, his eyes were drawn to it. And damn, Ten was right! Yuta's butt was skinny and narrow or delicate as Ten had put it. It would fit just right in winwin's hands.

"It's not enough."

Winwin jumped in surprise, almost falling off his stool.

"Wha... what?" He stuttered.

Yuta looked at him, a bit confused, head tilting to the side.

"I said, do you want to eat ramyan? The rice is not enough for both of us."

"Of course, " Winwin said hurriedly, "I like ramyan anyway."

Yuta nodded still looking at Winwin, eyes holding something unreadable.

"Are you okay? You're a bit different today." He asked, sounding casual.

Winwin nodded, a bit too hurriedly. 

"I'm okay, I was just... thinking. "

Yuta nodded again and turned towards the stove. If he saw winwin's face blushing,  he didn't comment on it.

Winwin slumped forward onto the counter  and cupped his face in his hands. His cheeks were burning. He cursed inwardly.

Damn, why did he even stare, what was he even thinking?

As yuta walked around the kitchen while cooking ramyan and heating rice, Winwin struggled through his sudden infatuation with Yuta's ass and decided to blame it all on Ten. Had he not talked about it earlier, winwin would not even have noticed.

It was all Ten's fault.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a month since Winwin had come to live in his house but it had only been a few days since yuta had begun to realize the things that had changed in his life or were going through the process of change. One of them was the moment when he would wake up in the morning, way earlier than winwin. But he would just lie there in his bed breathing steadily under the warm sheets, untill the clock struck seven. And then there would be the sound of a door opening; just a small creak in the silence of the house. Yuta's lips would spread in a soft smile, as he would think about the person out in the hallway. Then, Winwin will descend the stairs with light steps and after a while yuta would listen to the sounds coming from downstairs as Winwin made breakfast for the both of them. Yuta knew that it was rather selfish of him to stay in his room and not helping winwin out. Yuta had reprimanded himself a thousand times about it. But, nothing could compare to the feeling he got lying there in his bed and listening to the sounds winwin made as he moved in his house. There were things that made yuta admire the other like how winwin made sure to take care of yuta's breakfast every morning even when he was running late for college, how winwin made sure to not make any noise because he thought that would disturb yuta's sleep or about how winwin's eyes always shone with such mirth he could've been the happiest man in the world. But yuta knew when winwin was tired or sad because he missed home. He knew when Winwin wanted to talk about something and when he didn't. It was crazy and absolutely ridiculous but yuta liked the fact that he could tell all these things by just looking at winwin's face. The face that was so beautiful, it made yuta stare at him for hours. Winwin never noticed it of course as he was always busy talking about literally anything that came to his mind. Yuta admired how open winwin was with him about his thoughts. He was like an open book laid in front of yuta ready to be read, all yuta had to do was flip a page.

When Yuta had lived alone he would wake up to the defeaning silence in his house every morning but winwin had successfully managed to change that part of his life.

Second thing that had changed was Yuta's eating habbits. His breakfast used to consist of a cup of coffee, and a few slices of bread if he had been hungry enough. But winwin had changed that too. Yuta woke up everyday to find a healthy breakfast waiting for him on the kitchen counter at his usual spot. The first time it happened, yuta was reminded of the time he had spent with his mother in that house, of the sunday mornings when he would wake up late to find that his mother had already left for work. But his breakfast would be there waiting for him on the kitchen counter with a small note attached to it. It gave him weird deja-vu feelings. But it was the good kind of weird. Yuta had eaten his breakfast with that weird feeling in his chest. But then it happened again the next day, the day after that and the one after that it kept on happening. It  began to make him feel too weird. It was still the good kind of weird but the good part became too much for him to handle. Why did it feel so good, Yuta had asked himself, to be taken care of by someone he had just come to know? It wasn't alright, it shouldn't go on. But he didn't know how to say that to Winwin.  
Winwin had always made eggrolls for yuta's breakfast. And Yuta knew that was because winwin like eggrolls. But it made for a good excuse. So, one day when winwin came back from college and sprawled on the chair in front of him, Yuta told him, " I don't like eggrolls, don't make them for me anymore." And that should've been enough. Atleast that was what yuta had thought. But the next day he was welcomed in the kitchen by freshly made banana pancakes. Yuta had almost pulled all of his hair out of his head.

Third thing that yuta noticed had changed was his sleep. He was never much of a sleeper. Always trying to pour out his imagination into his novels and consuming too much caffeine for it, had reduced his sleep to the point that he couldn't sleep at all some days. But these days yuta found himself in his bed by one at midnight. It wasn't exactly a perfect timing to sleep but atleast he could fall asleep without having to depend on the pills. He had pondered on as to why this change had occured and had realized to his shock that it too was because of Winwin.  As much as yuta hated the fact that he couldn't write as much as before Winwin had moved in, it was also a fact that it had reduced his large intake of caffeine. The time which he used to spend obsessing over his novels was very much taken by listening to Winwin's voice which contradictory to the boy's features was very thick.

In short words or, in fact, in Taeyong's words; Yuta had been living the life of a zombie for years and Winwin had finally made him back to a human. That, of course, had earned him a glare and a cushion from Yuta.

But in his heart Yuta thought that yes, alot of things in his life had changed because of Winwin. But that's what scared him the most. Yuta knew that a day will come when Winwin would leave him alone in that house and go back to his own life. From that day Yuta will have to go back to wandering alone in his house missing the sounds that Winwin made as he moved in that house.

For Yuta, Winwin had become like a sun. In it's light Yuta knew how to walk and not get lost. But he also knew that if he stared at it for too long, he could become blind and unable to walk at all.

 

*

 

 "If you're going to keep sighing like that, you're going to end up fogging your entire house." Taeyong said as he looked at Yuta who was currently sprawled accross the sofa beside him.

"That's not even humanely possible." Yuta scoffed, his voice muffled by the cushion he was currently lying his face on.

"I never said it was." Taeyong said with a smirk, "humanely that is."

Yuta grabbed a cushion and threw it at the smug bastard. But it missed him entirely and fell on the far corner of the living room.

"Here I was thinking that you had finally gone back to being a human, but you're still just a zombie." Taeyong said looking back at the television that was currently playing some korean drama. And Yuta remembered how much Winwin liked korean dramas. That lead to him sighing again and throwing his head back on the cushion.

"Stop sighing or at least tell me the reason!" Taeyong said now sounding annoyed.

Yuta stayed silent for a while. He didn't exactly know how to say it. He changed his position on the sofa and now laid on his back instead.

"I... I feel like I'm going crazy."

"Wow, you amaze me." Taeyong said dryly. Yuta threw a glare at him but Taeyong wasn't looking.

"I'm serious Tae," Yuta sighed looking away from his friend, "I... " He paused thinking about how he should say it. And, now, he knew, that Taeyong was looking at him. Yuta blinked up at the ceiling. "I might lose him." He finished.

There was silence for a while, only the sounds coming from the TV filled the small living room, but Yuta stayed silent. Nothing else needed to be said, he knew. Taeyong will understand. Of the many things, he had come to admire about taeyong this was one of them. No matter how much fun the elder poked at him, in the end he was the only one who understood him the most.

"Then tell him." Taeyong said.

Yuta shot up on the sofa, eyes going wide in panic.

"What?! Are you crazy? Why would I ever... why would i even..?" He spluttered and all the seriousness flew away from Taeyong's face. He smirked.

"That's why I've been saying that you've been living the life of a z..."

"I swear to god Lee Taeyong!" Yuta shouted, hands reaching out for another cushion.

"Fine, fine!" Taeyong raised both his hands in his defence. "But you need to tell him otherwise you'll never know."

"Know what?" Yuta huffed.

"About how he feels about you. You'll never know he might like you as well."

"I never said I liked him." Yuta defended himself.

"Yes, indeed." Taeyong said through clenched teeth, feeling very much like pulling his hair out. Yuta raised an eyebrow challengingly. Taeyong rolled his eyes and looked away from him and at the television instead.

"Just tell him." He said exhasperatly. "You'll be thankful."

Yuta would never, tell Winwin or be thankful to Lee Taeyong!

 

***

Yuta was not thankful to Taeyong at all.

Ever since Taeyong had left, he had been thinking about what he had said. Just to think about the possibility of Winwin having feelings towards him which were more than just for friends or housemates, was maddening for Yuta. It drove him crazy with every passing moment, with every tick of the clock that hung above the window of the small living room. The ticking echoed in the silence of the house and pounded on his head. Tick. Tick. Tick. And yuta's thoughts went deeper and deeper.

What if Taeyong was right? Sure, Yuta had caught Winwin staring at him for times more than once, eyes holding something unreadable, something Yuta wouldn't normally see. But it was only a moment and then the moment was gone, leaving him chasing after that something unreadable. What if Taeyong is right? He asked himself again, as he sat on the sofa and stared at the television that Taeyong had shut down before leaving. What if Winwin liked him the same way as Yuta did? The Winwin who made sure to make breakfast for Yuta every day so that he won't starve himself, the Winwin who made sure to not make any noise as he descended the stairs each morning so as to not disturb Yuta's sleep, the Winwin who laughed with him like he never wanted to leave that house; what if that Winiwin liked Yuta more than just friends?

But there was another voice screaming inside his head, a voice more powerful than the hope Taeyong had lit up in his heart. It won't ever happen, it told Yuta. He was so ordinary, so unexceptional, he had nothing he could use to impress someone, espesially someone like Winwin. Winwin who was so beautiful, so so ethereal; Winwin who had the whole world lighting up in his eyes and the Winwin who had a smile that could light up a thousand stars; Yuta was nothing compared to that Winwin. Nothing at all. And winwin would never like him the way yuta did. Winwin was the sun and Yuta was the dust on the dirty ground. He would never be able to cover the distance between them. All he could do was look up at the sun and bask in its warm light as long as the sun was there. And once the sun is gone, he will have to endure the darkness and coldness that will come with it.

When the evening came that day, Yuta was stilll sitting on the sofa in front of the television, and the ticking of the clock still echoed in the house, but his mind had gone blank and as empty as his house felt at that moment. There was a small clicking noise and Yuta's heart skipped a beat. He looked at the clock and sure enough it was time for Winwin to come back home. He gripped the cushion in his lap and stayed still.

"I'm home!" Winwin's voice came, as vibrant as ever. And then there was some shuffling as Winwin removed his shoes at the door. Yuta listened to the sounds with all the attention and he listened when Winwin moved into the living room. He should move, he should say something to the boy like he usually did, but Yuta didn't know what to say. He sat there facing the blank TV screen and looked up when Winwin approached him. In the beginings when the younger had told him that college was tiring, Yuta had had a hard timing believing it because winwin always looked so fresh and full of life it was hard to think he was tired. But now yuta could tell by the way Winwin's eyelids dropped just a bit more heavily above his eyes and the mouth unconciously hanging open just a tiny bit. Yuta could tell that Winwin was tired.

"Are you okay?" Winwin asked and Yuta could hear the concern hiding behind the thick voice and he could see it glancing at him from the younger's eyes.

"Why would you ask that?" He said still looking up at the younger's face. Winwin fidgeted a little in his place as if thinking the answer.

"You're not sitting there today." He pointed a long finger towards the kitchen counter where Yuta usually sat with his laptop, "And you're not writing anything."

Yuta hated how his heart had begin to beat a little too fast. He hated how the little hope in his heart had grown so much in just a single moment. Had Winwin noticed Yuta's habbits like Yuta himself had noticed Winwin's? Could Winwin tell when Yuta was happy or sad or not alright like how Yuta could? He knew he was being desperate but desperation was all he had. And hope was still a hope, and yuta knew it could become only a hope and nothing else but he also knew that if he was lucky enough it could also become a reality; a reality he could live in.

"Hyung?"

Yuta blinked. Winwin was looking at him with a slightiy redder face, and Yuta realized he had been staring. He looked away and cleared his throat.

"I'm fine, just don't feel like doing anything today." He said looking away.

Winwin hummed in response but he didn't look like he believed what Yuta said. He let himself sit on the sofa where Taeyong had been sitting just an hour ago.

"Did your friend come again?" winwin asked gesturing at the two cups lying on the table and biscuit wrapers which Taeyong had brought for Yuta but had ended up eating them himself instead. Yuta nodded his head, remembering what Taeyong had told him before leaving and cringed at the thought.

"How come he always comes when i'm not here?" Winwin asked, his usually cheerful voice sounding dull for some reason. If Yuta was not occupied with his thoughts he would have noticed. He chuckled instead, grabbing the wrapers on the table with one hand and holding the cups with the other.

"He works winwin, and you come home late these days because of that project of yours." He said standing up from the sofa and looking at the younger. And at that moment Yuta noticed that for some reason Winwin's eyes were not as bright as they usually were. His lips that always had a soft smile curling around the corners were clenched together.

"Are you ok?" He asked with concern, " Did something happpen at college?"

Winwin blinked up at him and smiled a little. But this smile was different than any smile yuta had seen so far. Winwin almost looked sad.

"I'm tired hyung." He said leaning against the sofa." I'm so tired, I want to sleep." He closed his eyes But Yuta didn't believe that. He wanted to ask more. It wasn't like winwin to look like this even if he was dead tired. When Winwin was tired he talked even more, made even more noise when he moved around the house. It wasn't like him to sit still and wanting to sleep. Yuta knew something was not right but he also knew it wasn't the tiime to ask. Because Winwin was very open to him. He told Yuta about everything that was on his mind. So Yuta will wait for Winwin to tell him himself.

"Why don't you go and wash up first, I'll cook something up for you." Yuta said heading to the kitchen.

But Winwin didn't move for a long time from his place on the sofa. Yuta could feel his eyes on his back the entire time he was cooking. He didn't turn around though. He didn't want to catch Winwin off his gaurd. So, he let Winwin watch his every move and the dead silence was comforting  if not for the tick tick of the clock in the living room which Yuta could hear all the way to the kitchen. When he had finished making the fried rice, he heard footsteps heading towards the washroom. And by the time Yuta had put the rice in two bowls and set them on the table, Winwin was back. He sat in front of Yuta around the table, hands and face washed and damp hair sticking to his forehead. Yuta's hand itched with the want of unsticking those hair away from Winwin's face but he stopped himself by grabbing the spoon instead.

"Wow, it's so good hyung!" Winwin exclaimed loudly, eyes bright with excitement. Yuta's lips spread into a smile.

Taeyong might be right or he could be wrong as well, Yuta didn't care. Right now this was all he needed. If he could make Winwin's eyes light up like that just with a simple meal. Then it was all he needed.

*

The next week followed with heavy rains and most of the time Yuta found himself staring outside the windows of his living room. Rains made him feel nostalgic and he had never really liked them. It gave him a strange sense of emptyness watching the water pouring down the windowpanes. It was also the time when he wanted to write something the most. But these days even when the rain poured down his windowpanes, Yuta felt at loss of words. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he could've been writing about but the right words never came out. It made him feel frustrated. There was something else that made him frustrated and that was the fact that Winwin had been coming home late every night. Winwin had told him that his project was taking up all his time because the semester was soon coming to an end and Yuta understood that Winwin must have alot of workload on his shoulders. But it still didn't change the fact that he missed the hours he used to spend with Winwin. Most nights when Winwin came back home, Yuta would already be in his room, trying not to doze off. But it was useless to stay up because Winwin was always so tired when he came back, he would be half sleeping and half walking. Yuta's heart ached to see him like that. He missed the cheerful Winwin he had come to love. But It wasn't that he didn't love the tired Winwin, whether it was the best of him or the worst, Yuta had come to love all of the Winwin he'd seen. And he had come to acknowlege that Winwin was beautiful in every way. If he loved the Winwin who laughed and smiled at literally everything, then he also adored the Winwin who got irritated at the littlest of things. For Yuta Winwin was his sun, and the sun was beautiful in all its colors. And in the whether as grim as it was these days, Yuta thought he had every right to feel sad when he had been devoided of the only sun he admired so much. And as much as it was pathetic it was just as much frightening to Yuta. If he couldn't even bear a few hours without Winwin, how was he supposed to survive if Winwin left him forever? The thought had frightened him so much that he had ended up calling Taeyong and forgotton the fact that Taeyong had gone back to Korea a few days ago.

"Eloo...?" Taeyong answered groggily.

"Taeyong.. what if Winwin leaves me after he graduates? His parents would want him to come back right? What will I do then?" Yuta asked hurriedly. and if he was not as panicky he probably would've been able to hear Taeyong rolling his eyes through the phone.

"Then you can go and die a zombie's death." Taeyong said in a tight voice, "And if you'd like, I can do it myself." With that the line went dead.

Yuta stared at the phone in disbelief. How unloyal of a friend. But then again it wasn't Taeyong's fault that his non-existant love life was a mess.

That evening Winwin came home a bit earlier than usual which surprised Yuta to some extent but nonetheless he was happy especially because Winwin didn't look as tired as he usually did those days. It had rained again that evening and when Winwin entered the house, he was drenched from head to his feet, golden strands of hair sticking to his forehead. Yuta had immediately went to grab some towels and wrap them around the boy.

"How many times have I told you to take an umbrella with you before leaving, but you never listen." He nagged like a mother at which Winwin just laughed cutely.

"I don't like holding it." Winwin said in response, "I feel like I look weird because it feels like everyone's looking at me."

"Why would you feel like that, it is normal to carry umbrellas when it rains." Yuta said as he softly rubbed a dry towel on winwin's wet hair, "In Japan people carry umbrellas at almost all the time especially during summer when the sun is too bright." He was so absorbed in drying up winwin's hair, he didn't notice winwin had been looking up at him with eyes holding somthing that resembled way too much with admiration.

"What about you hyung?" He asked queitly after a while, making yuta look at him.

"What about me?" Yuta asked looking in winwin's eyes and he suddenly realized how close they were standing. Winwin's face was only an inch or two away from him and Yuta could feel the warm breath on his face as Winwin breathed.

"Don't you feel weird when you hold umbrella?" Winwin asked eyes never leaving Yuta's. And Yuta tried to remember when was the last time he had ever held an umbrella. Was it when he was still a student? Or was it when he had gone to the market with his mother to buy some fruits? It must have been then, because he had never really gone outside after that.

"I don't remember it. It must have been a long time ago." Yuta spoke after a while, as he drapped the towel on winwin's head and moved away from him. Because if he didn't, he might have ended up doing something unforgiving to the younger. Maybe it was not as unforgiving for normal people but Yuta was anything but normal, he knew as much no matter how many times he'd been angry at Taeyong for calling him a zombie he knew he was, well, not a zombie, but definitely not a normal person.

That evening Winwin had stuck to Yuta's side the entire time, when he was cooking in the kitchen or when he was dusting the furniture or washed the dishes, Winwin was there, always helping out Yuta with the littlest of things, like gathering up the dirty dishes and putting them in the sink, or washing the dust cloth when yuta had done cleaning. He even came to Yuta's bedroom as Yuta went to sleep at one o' clock. Wearing an oversized shirt and blue shorts, he sat at the edge of Yuta's bed as Yuta was about to lie down.

"Is something bothering you?" Yuta had asked, concerned.

Winwin shook his head. "Don't want to sleep alone." He had softly spoken as if he was afraid to disturb the silence of the night.

Yuta tapped a spot near him and winwin followed silently.He leaned heavily against Yuta and Yuta let him be. His heart had begun to beat loudly at some point during that and Yuta prayed to the heavens that Winwin won't hear it.

They had stayed like that for some time as Winwin told Yuta about his day. He told Yuta that Ten and Johnny had moved in together and that Ten now no longer lived at the old dorm he used to share with Winwin. He talked about his favourite drama that he loved to watch and how he had missed so many episodes because of his project. He had pouted against Yuta's neck as he leaned against him and Yuta had admired that as much as he could. As the night passed and Winwin's words got heavier and his eyes began to close Yuta let him lie down in his bed. He made sure to cover him up with the sheets before lying down himself.

It was somewhere around 3am that winwin had finally gone silent. Yuta thought he had fallen asleep. He turned off the lights and let his eyes fall shut as well. But just as he was about to fall asleep, winwin's voice broke the silence again.

"Hyung?" His voice was feeble as he spoke heavy with the burden of sleep and maybe something more, something more vulnerable. Yuta hummed in response startled from his slumber..

"I will graduate in a week."

Yuta's heart sank a million miles deeper. Here it was; the dreading doom he had been trying so hard to escape from, staring him wide eyed in the face and Yuta couldn't speak, couldn't react. The inevitable was going to finally happen and he was helpless, scared of his own demons, his own shadows. He would never be able to tell winwin the truth, would never be able to beg him to stay. Like he watched the water pouring down his windowpanes in long narrow lines everday, he would watch winwin slip away from him, leave him alone in that pathetic excuse of a home. Yuta would watch it happen because he was a coward, too insecure and too scared to try.

 

*

A week. At first Yuta told himself, a week was not that short of a time that he had left, he would treasure it like his most precious belonging. Not that he had many things that were precious to him. But then one day was gone and before he knew it the dread was just peeking at him from around the very edge of the horizon. A thick layer of cold had settled heavily upon his heart, draining all the warmth from him. He felt motionless and still, something like the dust that continued to gather on the old clock in the living room, deprived of the much deserving attention from its owner, something uncared of and unattended to. It was obvious from the drag of his tired limbs as he would descend the stairs in the morning or the way his head hung low on the bony shoulders as if the soul had been suck right out of it. The rains had settled to some extent and the sun rose each morning as bright as ever but Yuta had never been this deprived of the light. He had never really prayed to god or any other superior being if there was any and even though his hands never rose or his tongue said amen, his heart chanted the name each day like a prayer; Winwin. It was all he would remember at the end of the day as he would clung desperately to the fleeting dark of the night.

A week was not enough.

And a week was gone.

The sun had risen high in the sky and Yuta lay in his bed hearing the sounds the silence made in his house, the howling deafness of the silence. Winwin had left for college. It was the day for his graduation. It was finally coming to an end, Winwin had shouted at the dinner last night, no more college. He had never looked this happier. And Yuta couldn’t even fake a little smile. He had become selfish and maybe Winwin had noticed that because the moment his eyes sought out Yuta’s face his smile disappeared like it never really meant anything. Something useless and hollow, made to die out. It reminded Yuta of the summer days spent at the beach when he was still in Japan. His mother’s finger clutched tightly in his small hand and the water rising in his feet in soft little waves but they disappeared after a while like they never existed. He didn’t like the waves, made to be hollow and die a moment too early, they were pitiful. But winwin didn’t smile pitiful smiles, his smiles were always vibrant and alive as ever, so yuta didn’t understand the meaning behind that pitiful smile. Winwin had gotten silent all of a sudden, long thick lashes veiling the bright orbs as he stared down at his plate.

“Hyung… will you come to my graduation?” A quiet voice, maybe a bit too hopeful, a bit too expecting. He hadn’t looked up immediately after saying it and then hesitant eyes rose up at Yuta’s face. A whole world that Yuta had come to admire and at some point maybe selfish enough to call his own, stared him in the eyes. He couldn’t even blink because he might not be able to look at it again, the beauty so ethereal that had captivated Yuta the moment he had opened the door that one fateful evening. It glimpsed at him from the soft little curves of thick pink lips and the way golden strands stuck to exuberant eyelashes. And yuta was so utterly enamored.

“You don’t have to if it’s hard to do.” Winwin said sounding a little apologetic. The curtain fell, and Yuta’s world was taken away. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but he was afraid that he might make a fool out of himself. The fear came to him with moving to New York and it lingered with him when his mother left. If only he was a little more braver, a little less of a coward.

“I want to but I’ve just never gone out.” But Yuta was never brave enough. “And Taeyong is coming back from Korea tomorrow, he’ll stay here for a while.” He was always more of a coward.

But he hadn’t entirely lied, Taeyong was coming back tomorrow.  But Yuta could bet he would be really surprised to know how considerate Yuta had been of his arrival.

*

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Taeyong shouted as he stood in the middle of yuta’s living room, eyes wild.

“Don’t shout at me.” Yuta said, sounding annoyed.

“If this is what’s gonna take you to get your head back together, then hell I will shout!”

Yuta stared at his best friend, who had suddenly gone wild after hearing that yuta was not going to winwin’s graduation.

”So what am I supposed to do? I can’t go there.” Yuta argued helplessly, “There will be so many people.”

“So what if there will be so many people,” Taeyong argued back as he sat back down beside yuta on the couch, “It’s not like you’re gonna go to the stage, you will sit in the audience and clap your hands when his name is announced.”

Taeyong was being reasonable, yuta knew, but what was the use of it winwin was going to leave anyway.

“Have you told him about your feelings yet?” Taeyong asked softly, a hand resting on Yuta’s shoulder. Yuta shook his head. “You need to tell him. Trust me life will get easier for you.” Even though yuta’s head was hung low, he knew Taeyong was rolling his eyes at him.

“What if he rejects me?” Yuta asked, eyes a bit wide with fear, “What if he thinks I’m some kind of a pervert?”

“Why would he think that?” Taeyong said frowning a little and then as if the realization hit him, his eyes went wide before he moved closer to Yuta’s face and whispered,  “Did you do something... inappropriate to him?”

Yuta pushed his face away with his right hand or more like smacked it away. “No, I didn’t. I’m not you.”

“Then you needn’t worry, he won’t reject you.” Taeyong said, rubbing his face with his hand as he glared at Yuta.

“But what if…”

“I’m telling you nothing will happen!” Taeyong cut him off loudly.

“But…”

“No more arguments. I’m taking you there myself.”

“What? You…”

But before Yuta could argue more, he was being dragged through his corridor and out the front door.

“You’re gonna love me after this.”

Yuta answered that with as many profanities as he could think of.

*

Yuta would hate Lee Taeyong with all his heart, body, mind and soul if all of it had not already been taken by a certain blonde who was waving at him excitedly through the large crowd of students. Taeyong had left him alone the moment Yuta had spotted Winwin and god knew where he was now, not that Yuta cared in particular.

“I thought you weren’t coming?” Winwin spoke breathlessly as he approached Yuta, lips spread in that soft smile of his that Yuta admired so much.

“Taeyong made me come here.” Yuta answered simply, and for some reason Winwin’s smile faltered.

“Why would he make you come here?” He asked with a small frown on the forehead. And Yuta realized his mistake. What was he supposed to say now, that it was because he liked winwin or that Taeyong wanted him to confess?

“Well, that is…” Yuta scratched the back of his head nervously. Screw Lee Taeyong and all his creative ideas. “Because I… I don’t… I don’t ever go outside you know.” There goes the little bit of his bravery that he had gathered along the way. And what had taeyong said?

You know, just grab him and kiss him, he’ll know the rest. Yuta had almost choked on the air he was breathing. OK, don’t kiss him, Taeyong had said looking at Yuta’s paling face. Just grab him and tell him that you like him and if he looks like he just saw the tenth wonder of the world, trust me, you can kiss him.

As if Yuta could. Yuta scoffed just thinking about it.

“Taeyong must really care about you a lot.” Winwin said after a while as he guided Yuta to a bench on the sidewalk away from the loud crowd, for which Yuta felt thankful. It was suffocating him to stand amongst so many strange people after such a long time.

“He can’t help it, it’s habitual.” Yuta didn’t know whether he was complaining or admiring the elder for his mother like tendencies but that was the truth. He surveyed the small area that lead to the campus entrance. It seemed that the graduation ceremony was already over but Winwin wasn’t wearing his graduation cap. And perhaps Winwin noticed Yuta’s staring as he moved a hand to touch his hair subconsciously before he laughed.

“Ten took my cap and ran away, he is like that sometimes.”

Winwin was still laughing thinking about it and Yuta frowned. What was so funny about it? It seemed like winwin was having fun before Yuta came to see him. He wasn’t exactly missing Yuta like Yuta had thought. It wasn’t that Yuta was sure of it but a part of his heart had hoped.  It was selfish of him to want that but he had wanted it; Winwin thinking of him in the middle of a crowd. He had fancied it as he sat in Taeyong’s car and stared through the windows at the crowded street. Because Winwin had no one to be with him on his graduation day, Yuta thought he could be that one person Winwin would smile so fondly thinking about. But he had hoped for too much. Winwin still had his friends to make him happy, unlike Yuta who had no one but Taeyong or Winwin himself. The jealousy suddenly hit him in hot surging waves, burning him up in every niche and corner. He wasn’t jealous of Winwin but he was jealous that he wasn’t the one person to be waited for by the man he loved so much.

“I was sorry I came late,” Yuta said suddenly as he leaned back on his hands and looked sideways at winwin, “But it looks like you didn’t miss me at all.”

Winwin’s smile disappeared and was now replaced by confusion at the sudden change in Yuta’s tone.

“What? Why would you say that?”

Yuta looked away from Winwin’s face as the guilt hit him. He’d never talked to Winwin like that before, all he had ever done was admire the boy. He had never talked even a bit louder or harsher to Winwin, so for sure the boy was a bit shook.

“Forget it.” Yuta shook his head. Even though he felt bad for feeling like that but the hot larva burning inside his chest won’t subside anytime sooner, Yuta knew. He got up from the bench and Winwin’s eyes followed. “I’ll leave you to have fun with your friends then.” He gave winwin a fake smile but the boy looked like he could see right past the façade.

“Wait, are you leaving?” Winwin asked as he slowly got up from the bench as well, eyes squinted against the bright sun as he looked at Yuta.

“We’ll talk when you get home later.”

Winwin looked like he had something to say. His mouth opened and closed several times but nothing came out. Yuta nodded at him with the finality of a farewell as he turned around to leave. But he’d taken merely a step ahead when a hand came down to clasp at his own.

“Wait.”

And Yuta couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe for a good ten seconds until he felt like he would die of anoxia if he didn’t inhale oxygen anytime sooner. Winwin’s hand was warm and soft in his own. The warmth made Yuta’s body burn and his blood to run hot and wild in his veins. Of all the times Winwin had spent at Yuta’s place, not once had they made any physical contact. There were accidental touches for sure, like the times when Winwin’s fingers would brush against Yuta’s hand when they were cooking in the kitchen together, or when Winwin fought with Yuta for the TV remote because his favourite drama was on. But this, this was something Yuta had only imagined, something he had only dreamt about.

Yuta slowly turned his body around to face the boy who could make him fancy about something as trivial as holding hands.

“I… I have to tell you something hyung.” Winwin said nervously, his tongue sticking out to moisten his drying lips. The sheen of saliva was even more prominent in the bright sunlight, and yuta stared. Winwin’s lips looked so soft.

“I don’t think… I will stay at yo…”

“I told you we’ll talk when you get home.” Yuta jerked his hand free of winwin’s hold. He realized where the conversation was going. And he already knew it, had already accepted it. But right now, he didn’t think he could take it. Not yet, he told himself, just a bit more time, a few more moments of forgetfulness before the reality comes crashing down.

He turned to leave again but winwin’s hand was back at his own, only this time his hold was tighter and firm.

“I said…”

“Listen to me!” Winwin spoke loudly, catching yuta off his guard. “I have something else to tell you.” There was a hint of determination in Winwin’s eyes making Yuta shut his mouth.

“I know it might come as a shock to you, or you might even hate me after this, but I think I have to tell you this before I lose this chance forever.” Yuta stared at Winwin and wondered what the boy was babbling on about, and why would he ever hate Winwin? Yuta would never do that. Hell, the boy could even slap him in the face and Yuta would admire even that, like wow, how amazingly Winwin could slap someone.

“Hyung, I think I really really… like you.” Winwin finished hurriedly and closed his eyes tightly afterwards as if he was scared what might happen now.

But Yuta couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe what was happening. Maybe the world had suddenly turned upside down or the sun rose from the wrong end of the world this morning or it must be that he had heard wrongly. Yes, that must be it, it was the lack of caffeine in his system that his hearing was finally acting up.

When Yuta didn’t respond for quite some time, Winwin peeked at him from one open eye. Yuta’s head was tilted to one side and his eyes were narrow in utter confusion as he looked at Winwin’s face. Winwin freaked out. He now had both his eyes open but they were looking at anywhere but Yuta.

“I know it was stupid of me, I told Ten it was a bad idea, but he won’t listen to me! But it’s not my fault you know, Ten just won’t stop talking about your… your… I mean you! He won’t stop talking about you! And…” Winwin was hyperventilating, his hands were flying in all directions in every kind of way and he obviously looked like he wished the earth would split and engulf him whole. “ And I told him, I told him that you like Taeyong hyung!”

Wait, what? Yuta’s mouth hung open. When did that happen?

“But Ten won’t listen to me! He said that you liked me. I’m so sorry I should’ve never…” Before he could splutter more nonsense, Yuta’s hand rose and clasped around Winwin’s jaw.

“What did you just say?” Yuta asked in utter confusion, eyes staring hard at Winwin’s face that was cupped in his hand.

Winwin seemed to think for a second. “You like Taeyong hyung…”

“Not that.” Yuta cut him off. “What you said before that, when you closed your eyes.”

Winwin’s face heated up and Yuta could literally feel the heat radiating to his hand from Winwin’s cheeks. And then Winwin said it again, eye’s heavy with the burden of shyness.

“I like you.”

Yuta’s hand dropped to his side. This time there was no denying it, this time his hearing was definitely not acting up. It was said loud and clear, as clear as the vast blue sky above his head and the truth was as solid as the ground underneath his feet. And Yuta was floating in the midst of it all. Was it possible? For someone like him to be granted such a beautiful thing as to be admired by someone he loved so much, someone as ethereal as winwin.

“But I know hyung doesn’t like me.”

But winwin was so so beautiful and golden, standing in front of yuta, drenched in the sunlight with downcast eyes and red lips and equally reddening cheeks. And Yuta’s hands ached to cup that face in his hands and forget that he was standing in public amongst so many strange eyes.

“Hyung will never like me more than housemates or friends.”

Winwin was saying something, Yuta knew but his world was still hanging onto those three words, Winwin had told him just now. And Yuta didn’t care anymore, didn’t care how many eyes were watching him. Winwin’s lips were moving around words Yuta could no longer hear, didn’t want to hear. His hand reached up and a finger was softly put against Winwin’s plump lips. Eyes filled with wonder rose up at Yuta’s face.

“You’re right, I’ve never liked you.” Something shattered to a million pieces in winwin’s face but Yuta continued, “I’ve never liked you and I’ll never will, because I have always loved you, more than the housemates or friends and beyond the boundaries of our being. I have loved you more than anything the universe has to offer.”

And winwin’s face was priceless, eyes wide and lips agape. And it probably wasn’t appropriate for the sitiation they were in but Yuta wanted to laugh because Taeyong was right. Winwin’s face looked like he’d seen the tenth wonder of the world. And people be damned, and all his insecurities can go to hell because Yuta didn’t care in that moment as he cupped Winwin’s face in his hands and leaned in.

Even though, he probably wasn’t the person winwin deserved; someone as imperfect as him, but winwin said he liked him, he liked Yuta with all of his imperfections and that was all he could ask for. He would cherish that and love Winwin with all of his imperfections and if he was lucky enough Winwin would love him back someday, not just like him. And from the way Winwin's lips moved against his own, Yuta could tell it wasn't long before that happens.

But he was not going to lie to himself, he knew they were not going to ride off into the sunsets or starry nights all of a sudden and Yuta can’t fix everything about himself overnight but he was willing to try. And he knew that Winwin might still have to leave him alone in that house but now he knew Winwin would come back. And Yuta would wait. He would wait for winwin with every cell in his body and every breath he would take and he was grateful that now he was allowed to do that.


End file.
